nafa artworks

nothing much happened today. just show some works done at nafa. i m boring, bear with it.

my first vblog!

i know its lame. not much too say actually. just really tired, hope you understand.

hate-taggers

please stop sending me nonsense tags cause it is making me irritated and someone elso too.

THIS BLOG IS DEAD! GOT IT?

the return

i know my blog died a long time ago.
i just feel like blogging all of the sudden.
the urge is there, so why not do it.
i ve been busy nowadays.
i got a job at vivo city tangs as a promoter of urbaninc.
anyway, i am not loving my job. will tell you in another post.
i dont feel like talking about it.
tmrw there willbe a huge sales at tangs so i must get myself ready.
but whatthe fuck am i doing now? facebooking at msn at 1.42 in the morning?
i think if mimi was here, he would force me to sleep. hahahah!
okay, i miss my botak boy.
NS has captured him when we fell in love *tragic background music*
damn, i seriously need rest.
goodnight people
oi to the world.

tekap buah dengan sireh.

i just found out my mom put sireh on a hot glowing charcoal and leave it to warm.
then she dab or should i say press at both of her sons' balls when they were young.
she say this is to avoid it from becoming huge so that they wont feel any ball pains or stomach pains.
*smack forehead*
i seriously need a science explanation for this.

was it wise? i do not know.
yet i still pondered about what's been going through.
what if time was never enough?
enough to prove ourselves worthy of what we are.
what if i am meant to be an incomplete project?
the green monster grows in me every time i see people with smiles and alot of other stuffs.
yet i know that i could be them too if i just position the missile.
many said i m an independent mature young lady and yes i do appreciate the compliments.
but i do not know if i agreeable to such things.
i always seem to know what i am doing. actually, i am just scared.
not of the consequences but scared if what i did satisfy my heart.
and i do not want to make any promises to anybody, so stop your assumptions.
but from what i know, i am not a girl that regrets of what she is now and what she became now.
i m sorry, but i not leaving the life i have now.

also, i would try my very best to keep him away from anything or anyone trying to hinder what we're building. i am prepared to take up more challenges and i will always stand my ground.

confusion

its been quite some time now.
yet, i do not know what i want to do next.
age is an issue they say, but fuck care.
i once told myself not to fall for one.
but this one got me hooked up real well.
i still dont know what i am doing is right.
but everyday, my feelings grow again and again.
if i were to say what i feel truly, will even worth the try ?
i wish i could have him yet i m afraid.
i m afraid if he ever stray from me.
or what he actually wants from me.
i wanna be someone for him.
i wanna be his only.
i just wanna be with him.

my skinhead

He got me good, he got me well
And he makes my heart pound and swell
Shaven heads and bovver boots
And how he never forget his roots
Walking down the streets with full of pride
With his mates in unity side by side
He always fight for his rights
Beer on his hands and drunken nights
Adores the way he exterminate racism
Not to forget, the unsightly fascism
He's a victim of society but i don't care
I don't find it as a flaw or a scare
This are the things that impresses me
And i m loving everything cant you see
Now that everything has been said
This is what my call; my skinhead
Oi! Oi!

by Ninawonder Byrd.

LIPAS

I HATE THESE CREATURES.
THEY MAKE ME SCREAM IN THE MORNING AND MAKE ME HAVE BAD DREAMS. GRRRR!

deep inside

it didnt turned out like how it was suppose to be.
am i asking for too much? i dont think so.
its a need in every young women.
but i know i must take care of what i have now.
sometimes it just hurts to see and feel that you dont care
where is the love and attention i need
from my perspective, you are very kinetic
u need to go through to understand.
but i dont want u to. i hate seeing you fall.
neither do i wanna swallow everything
at the same time, i have been through worst than this.
yet i still do not know why i am feeling this way
maybe my heart yearned for it for a long time already
i am tired of leading the pack
i need a break.
could you lead for me?
i dont think you would be bothered
confrontation works?
i dont think so.
i ll just hide in this shell i am currently in
hoping you would notice the frown behind my smile
till now, goodnight.
yours sincerely, andiq nurnina hanani
ps: i dont have much time left to be here

u just unleashed the bitch in me

i love my good friend.
well she leaked out everything what u said about me.
behind the angelic innocent face, like a girl with a big big uncontrollable mouth.
i aint stupid girl, u even wanted to take my place?
and dont u dare tell me where i should study or not
if you are so brilliant and smart, why ask others to meet ur peaceful quiet needs?
why cant u just use your brilliant mind and concentrate.
do not downgrade me that way or criticize how i express things by a writing material. its true what ***** said, dasar mulut tempayan and due muke.
seburuk2 nye prangai aku tak pure mcm kau, aku nye hati lebih mulia dari kau.
i aint a firestarter like you and i dont wish to gain popularity like you do.
think popularity is everything?
we see how it will crush you.'

P.S i dont bitch about others in blog if they make me to. easily said, u create shit, i create shit double :D

TIRED

O LEVELS IS DRAINING ME OUT.

I DONT EVEN HAVE MUCH TIME TO BLOG OR USE THE COMPUTER.

I LOVE KHAIRI VERY VERY MUCH :)

well, just now i had a random talk with tinesh about muay thai, boxing and work out.

and i think i wanna go for boxing just the same as my brother.

but daddy wants me in muay thai.

oh well, i dont know.

i dont wanna be like my mom who beats people up during her secondary school days without specific skills.

i sometimes 'shoik sendiri' wanna be a fighter.

but why dream right nina?

i can just go for it. but somehow of other, something is pulling me back.

H1N1

swine flu is spreading like nobody's business. i swear. fist is was my cousin who was H1N1 positive then my elder sister. and wow! i have 2 more in the collection, my sister's boyfriend and my brother. i took the test too at CDC to see if i was a positive or negative. luckily, god loves me and i was a negative despite me suffering from 3 of the syndromes. my sayang was worried sake for me. but lucky i was not infected.

i swear to god i miss khairi like fuck.
i swear to god my miss the 'usual people'. i swear to god i miss school like fuck. i swear to god i miss everything that i used to do.

now i am miserably and pathetically at home lazing and doing art. i didnt do any of the work given through lms. i am fully concentrating on art which is already almost done. after so, i am going to study and refresh my memory about the rise and fall of venice. a class test is coming up. even though i am not in school, i fully updated thanks to SHHHAAAAAA! i love you pussy bby. hahahahhah!

seriously, the situation at my house is kinda weird. cause u see sudden health conscious people who used to be un-health conscious people every wear sanitizing their hands like every hour and spraying detol house spray everywhere on everything and toilets filled with detol products and walking around with masks on their faces like pretend to be doctors and nurses.

my mom even tried to wear face mask on my cat -.-

pure boredom that is frustrating

i feel lethargic. super lethargic.

maybe its because i stayed up one night wathcing A Walk to Remember.

later on i have ngaji sessions.

and i can't meet my sayang till friday.

i m off to do my art.

and also going for a jog after ngaji.

blah blah blah, the same old routine when i am at home.

trust me i am bored, like fucking bored!

khairi

we've made it through our first step.
i love you khairi, so much.

i would also like to say congratulations to azneil and syahirah.
may your love be never ending.

why i didnt update?

oh well, too many shits happen someone in terms of family wise which i do not wish to share.

and i just came back from batam for a 3 days 2 nights holiday. the resort was superb though. it has excellent service.

for today, i am just gonna stay at home with no ciggies and tons of homework and art.

maybe at night, i ll go jogging and my 30 minute abs exercise.

till now, toodles.

"khairi bby, i wanna play run run catch catch for 5 times when i meet you kay. i love you boobies,"

happiness

i am truly happy now.
started a new life.
forgotten about the past times.
the pain, the tears, the suffers.
i have came back to my family.
fun times are always back at home.
i have great friends who accept me for who i am.
i have a great boyfriend that truly understands.
i have more confidence in what i do.
i am much more forward-looking.
and i have dreams that i wont give up on.
for as long as my heart is with these people, my life complete.
i dont need anything more.
for now, my only aim is to try my best in o levels.
and hope i will have a bright future ahead.

would you wanna be like me?

yesterday i had a fight with my cousin.

she's 13 this year. and she is going in to the secondary school life. it different, you get all sorts of influence everywhere. and the whole family is just so concerned about her and i do not want her to end up like me.

this was what actually happened. her family dissaprove her having boyfriends and this young age. she is naive and easily brainwashed. currently she is in a relationship with this guy. and all these while, i have been helping her to meet up with him and stuff. i wanted her to be happy cause ever since she stayed with me, i will always wanna come home. cause her mom told me to accompany her so she wont feel alone. so i did, i became her bestfriend and her sister. we grew very close.

yesterday. her mom checked her phone and saw the messeges her boyfriend text her. her mom called up her boyfriend telling him to stay away. then she sat beside me and cried. i cheered her up and make things clear why are things this way. besides, her boyfriend didnt say she wanna leave her so why panic?

then later that night when everyone's a sleep. my sister had a one on one chat with me regarding about my cousin. she told me this:

"i dont want u to encourage her about this BGR thingy. if i caught u helping her get through him, you are dead.

and besides nina, you know how it feels wasting your youth on unnecessary hurt.

think about what you go through when you are 14. so young yet so much pain you faced because of a guy. what about when you are 15? the same thing. it hurts badly i know.

you cry till you cant open your eyes, you cry till you're dead sick.

you want the same thing to happen to her?"

when she said so, it opened my eyes. not baecause i wanted to save my arse, because i had that sudden reminisce about my past that i abhor so much. so had a private talk with my cousin about what consequences and how much they all love her. i even told her not to make things worse as her step brother wants to find that guy and beat him up. i told her dont create a short film to a soap opera. yet she ignored, played stubborn and said:

"he will be the last guy i love until the day i die. i wont leave him, i know what i am doing."

people assume, ryanna. people always say they know but the fact is that you dont know. its too early to say such things. you cant tell as all these is in the hands of god.i ve been through alot. got my self beaten up for a faggot, got myself in trouble with the police cause protecting someone whom i thought would love me the same way i do. never ever assume that he would be the one. cause when u do, it will hurt so much when he leaves. and one rainy day wont be enough to wipe away his footsteps. if once you're my age, by all means you could get serious already cause its about time. but at such and age like yours, your risking alot. cause i was your age before and it was the fragile years of my life. you have a living a example here, which is me. look at me, look at what i ve done to my mom and others.

would you wanna do the same because of your desires? would you wanna risk everything you've got for another tom dick or harry? would you wanna fall flat on the ground like i did? would you wanna be like me?

i dont think so. cause i hate what i am in the past. i had to fall down again and again to become who i am now. and the scars are permenant, it cant be erased. its time for you too realize before its too late.

dark circles.

of course my dear classmates have been wondering where the fuck did andiq nurnina hanani of 4e5 went to as she didnt attend jun holidays classes at all. of course i am stuck at home doing art.

since yesterday, i havent rest my eyes yet. i stayed up all night til now doing this o level art shit. but of course i had breaks such as layan kan my cousin blajar joget tektonik. wtf -.-

"haiyaaaa~budak chaman sekalang manyak susah datang loh." (suare nyonya)

i told madam irda i will finish up my 2 boards with qualitative work by monday.

my lens are dry and my body aches. but its okay, in the name of art, my o level grades and most importantly, my future.

i ll be only attending art lessons and i am aiming for an A grade work. possible?

it is if i put in effort.

get that in your bloody brain nina, i've been on hiatus for too long :(

okay makhluk-makhluk di dunia ini, saya hendak tidur dan saya rasa hendak makan lo mai khai yang berisi man boobies.

si bonchet tuuuu

i love khairi nak step mane nye sanchi si bonchet gunther wannabe tak menjadi budak rating 10/10 ah beng kia yang sayang kan crown dier pat atas kepale chong of haji lane under arab street hidup mati HL milk so very much.
AMEK KAU!
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
seriously lo mai khai, stop asking why the birds are flying. or why the sweet talk cup is there. or other nonsensical stupid questions i cant answer. dont be like rudy please.

i ll die! i beg you!
demam2 nak gi cycle to my house amek rokok, ye lah tuu, amalkan slalu -.-
comel lah awak, saya cinta many2 :)

happy birthday to me on 29th may :)

on the 29th may, was my birthday. first it started out bad but thanks to people whom i love made it worth while. it has been 3 years since i had a celebration. i would like to thank hanis, alesha, shi ying, fraa for the sabo. although it made my hair fucking hard yet i still enjoyed it. also, i would like to thank my sister; mizye, my cousin; ryanna, alesha my pornstar, aisyah super my super bitch, fatin ayam, ashly(alesha's boyfriend) and abang cave(my sister's boyfriend) for having a wonderful time shisha-ing at arab street. also thanks to certain people whom i dont know at all for giving me a free pack of cigarettes. i hope all of you who celebrated it with me had a relaxing yet awesome moment :D

here are some pictures on 29th may.

KENA SABO SIA!

my sister: mizye

aisyah super, nina wonder and ryanna superhuman

Alesha V and Ashly Ahmad. HAHAHAH!

the sensual and the seductive

'minah-rep' paling fierce. HAHHAHAHHAH!

i wasn't ready!

my super bitch, she's mine!

nina and ryanna

look at the kisses i gave to three of my girls on their boobies :)

BOYFRIEND ABUSE!

ryanna's too shy to be kissed.

mizye and ryanna

my super girl :)

aren't we "beautiful" ?

kfc mates!

four years and still going on :)

me! the birthday girl!

what's up with ashly, sha?

aisyah super and fatin ayam :)

shAshly

awwww, how cute :)

aisyah baby!

weeeeeeeeeeee~

blow nina blow!

happy shisha-ing and eating :)

smoke nina smoke!

choo choo!

smoke machine!

to get these pictures, do visit www.flickr.com/ninawonder

die motherfucker

OH MY GOD! I FEEL LIKE KILLING YOU, BLOODY EGO FUCK TAK SEDAR DIRI STEP MANE PEH 'I KNOW WHAT I DOING IN LIFE' KAU GI MAMPOS CEPAT SUDAH PALA BUTO. BIAR KAU SEDAR SIKET DIRI KAU SAPE! AKU NAK AMEK PISAU AND RODOK PEROT KAU BANYAK-BANYAK KALI AND CUT IT OPEN LEPAS TU PULL OUT ALL YOUR INTESTINE AND TIE IT AROUND YOUR NECK REALLY TIGHT THEN SLAUGHTER U ALIVE! DIE MOTHER FUCKER! DIE! WISH I HAVE NEVER MET YOU LAST YEAR!

GO FUCK YOUR SELF BEFORE YOU WANNA FUCK ME OFF!

it is still raining, and the rain has erased some of his steps. i am contented now. just waiting for that moment for the sun to shine again. oh god, have mercy on me.

an old friend of mine confessed to me this.

"you're the sweet girl that i know for a long time & i could comfortably be me when i m with you and i never loved a girl so much ever and i meant it. you mean alot to me. love you kay"

oh well, it somehow made me blushed. its been 3 months since i blushed. guess who?

diary of an artist

dearest diary,

I settled quietly down on the plain grass and placed my brushes on the ground. As I closed my eyes and held my breath, i enjoyed the immense serenity in the atmosphere. I gazed around and i saw a black rose. I questioned myself what could it be doing in such a calm and pure place like this. I stood up and went nearer to the rose. I picked it up, smelled it and i felt a cold breath down my neck. my eyes widen and my lips i bit. I turned my head and i gasped. i saw a demon, and he gave me a smile and asked if i could come over his palace for a little wine. I refused as i do not wish my soul to be left wandering in the pit of hell. Yet, he took my hand, knelt down, and gave a gentle kiss on my delicate skin. He looked up at me and said please, with that convincing smile. I nodded my head and he stood up. He held both my hands and told me to close my eyes. and think of all desires i had in mind. He whispered in my ear saying: open your eyes, love. I lift my eyelids slowly and then i smiled.

His palace was dark yet alluring. So i seek permission for a painting of him. He smiled at me and sat on his bed. I sat down and took out my brushes from my leather bag. Placed the canvas on a stand and i started to dab.

As soon as i was done, i looked at my painting and looked at his bed but he was not there. I felt arms around my waist and turned back. Suddenly, he stole a kiss upon my cheeck. he asked: shall we? in the deepest sensual voice i have ever heard. He lifted me and placed me on his bed and gave me a glass of bloody red wine. As i sipped he went nearer to my neck. Then started kissing very slowly. i felt a sexual aura. I felt like the blood of lust was circulating in me. He pushed me down and i laid. It was the most lustful romance i ever did.

I laid naked, feeling so weak. Till i feel asleep on the demons chest.

I woke up and found myself on the gass fields again with the painting beside me. Woke up shakily on these weak knees. I saw that exact same black rose the demon left, so i went up to it hoping that i could be in his palace again. As i picked the rose up, i realized the torns pricked my finger, and it bled. i sucked my blood and heard a whisper. I heard that deep sensual voice that said: its over, love.

I looked up at the sky and it was grey. The clouds were heavy and rain was imminent. a drop of water landed on my nose. soon, many droplets were falling. and it finally rained. I walked slowly with the painting on my hand. I realized that the painting was washed off bit my bit.

As the rain stopped, and the clouds were clear. the sky was blue and the sun shone brightly. The painting i once held as i walked through the rain, became a plain white canvas as it is.

Here i am sipping red wine in my little cottage, remeniscing about the demon that i fell in love for that short while. Still, it felt like i have been his love for long already..

my friend

nowadays life has been a pure ball of boredom and i fell several times face down.
it feels different after i finally let him go.
well, it was like me getting up back and walking with wounded knees.
at first it bled horribly but now some wounds heal but not all.
there is this friend of mine that acts as an antiseptic cream which helps me to heal a little bit more faster.
and i have known him since primary school days till now.
he is known as khairi and he makes my troubles melt away.
cause my mind is off from everything when we slack.
thank you, i appreciate that alot :)

just now i met zul and tina to study my peribahase and after so i went to meet khairi. then we slacked and i disturbed him.
since now i lost my voice, thanks to stormking gulung, its hard to communicate to him so i used up my voice and embarrass him at our slacking place.
and he went like 'okay, cukop cukop... stop stop... diam lah!' hhahhahahahahah!
and kept making voices that guys find it EXTREMELY TURN OFF SIA!
after so, we went met haziq.
then haziq was spooking us out as he opened the topic about ghosts.
and khairi takot nak balek. HAHAAHAHAHHAHH!
and when i reached home, i waited for the time to reach 12 and i wished my mom HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

and someone told me this: HE MAY HAVE DROPPED U DOWN, U LOST UR WAY IN YOUR EDUCATION, U LOST YOUR WAY IN HEALTH BUT NO MATTER WHAT, DONT LET HIM MAKE U LOOSE YOUR WAY TO YOUR STRENGTH OF STRONG WILL WITHIN. STOP CRYING, IT HAS BEEN TWO MONTHS. I RESPECT YOU AS U WERE THAT PATIENT. YOUR A STRONG GIRL, NOW SET YOUR SELF FREE.

thank you, i will take your advice.

i am not your princess, it wasnt a fairytale at all. thanks hilmi for making me who i am now. thanks for all the experiences we had that made me into a stronger and a patient person. now we both have have to fly seperate ways and be free from the past. lastly, to whoever that wants to be his, please please please take very very good care of him. i mean it.